"Sometimes bad things happen to very good people and sometimes good things happen to bad people. But at least if you try to do good things, then you're spending your time doing something worthwhile."
~Helen Mirren
I don't know about anyone else, but one of my greatest struggles as a Christian is accepting that sometimes really bad things happen to really good people. I know that God has a plan. I know that there's a lot of sin, and a lot of terrible things happening. And I do believe that things happen for a reason. But sometimes, not knowing that reason is more than I feel I can handle.
Twelve years ago, an amazing family came into my life. I met the oldest son first - we became friends freshman year of college. Just a few months after we became friends, his parents came to his dorm to take him to dinner for his birthday. I met them, and talked with them for a few minutes - mostly because his father was an attorney - my chosen career path. As they went to leave, his dad said "Are you coming?" When he responded that he was, his father said "No, Stephane - are you coming?"
And just like that, I had another mom. Another dad. Not to mention my friend's three brothers, who are all phenomenal people. Kind, loving, funny, and willing to do anything for the people they loved - and even people they didn't even know. That description is especially true of the family matriarch. She is the heart of the family. She takes care of her own, and even takes in strays like me. She runs charity events, is active in the community, and would give you the shirt off of her back (and probably offer you her shoes for good measure). I love these people more than I can say.
And now my friend's mother, this whirlwind of love and generosity, has an inoperable brain tumor.
It can still be treated. And let me tell you - this woman is the only person I know who is more stubborn than I am. Those of you who know me understand what a bold statement that is. I have every faith that she will kick this tumor's butt. And she has so much love and support to help her do it.
But I still feel like she shouldn't have to. I know that struggles can bring us closer to God. Closer to each other. Enrich our lives. What we went through with my daughter's heart surgery has led to some pretty amazing things. But there's still the part where I don't know why this happened to her. Why someone so wonderful is dealing with this. Why her family is dealing with this.
In my darker moments, I think about people who abuse their families. People who rape. Who kill. Who treat everyone as though they're garbage. And some part of me wonders "Why not them?" This, I'm aware, is an insanely un-Christ-like thought. And it's not one I entertain for long. But it's still there. I think it's doing a disservice to those who struggle with their faith to not admit that even the saved have these moments sometimes.
By our nature, we want to understand things. We want reasons. We despise uncertainty. And yet, that's so much of what life is - uncertain. I know that just rewards are given (to both the good and the wicked) when mortal life ends. But when that's not what you actually see, it can be hard to hold on to.
And this, I think, is one of the most defining things for those both with and without faith. Those without faith can point to these situations as a reason why they can't believe in God. They can't accept a God who would allow these things to happen. And those with faith can point to these situations as a reason why we have to believe in God. We have to believe there's a reason and that this isn't just random.
So I pray. And I research the type of tumor she has. I bookmark pages with alternate treatments to supplement chemo and radiation. And I struggle to find any words, any deeds, any small tokens that might ease this even a little for her and her family. For my family - because that's what they've been to me. And I ask that you add them to your prayers as well. Because right now, I don't know what else to do.
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