I want you to imagine that you're going about your day, whether at work, school, the grocery store, or church. A friend quietly approaches you and whispers, "your shirt is inside out - you should probably duck into the bathroom and fix it." They then tell you about the time they went a whole day like that, and you both have a laugh, vowing to pay more attention the next time you get dressed.
Now image that same scenario, but your "friend" says, "Wow, you are really terrible at getting dressed. How do you not notice that? I would never be caught in public like that," and walks away.
It's hard to imagine a situation where an actual friend would act the way the one in the second scenario did. And yet, this is something you can find every day if you simply change "inside out shirt" to "heart issue" and "friend" to "fellow Christian." Think about it - how many times have you heard someone say that another person "isn't being a good Christian" because of whatever sin they may be committing? I like to imagine these people as the "Christian police" - having taken it upon themselves to decide what is and is not a "good" Christian and making sure that those committing sins they consider unacceptable are condemned.
And that's the key word there - "condemned". One of the first things I learned in the mom Bible study I attended when I first joined my church was the difference between conviction and condemnation. Conviction, whether from ourselves or another person, is when an issue is recognized and pointed out in a loving way so that we can address the problem and grow in our walk with Christ - like the first example of the inside-out shirt. A great example of this happened to me a few months ago. I had said something, and a friend said to me, "I know you don't mean it that way, but when you say that, it sounds like you think you're better than others." I was stunned. She was right - I hadn't meant it that way. But once she kindly let me know how it came across, I was able to adjust my behavior and avoid making others feel small.
Condemnation, on the other hand, is simply meant to shame, without offering any guidance or advice. I saw this illustrated a few weeks ago. A woman I know said something to another that, if you didn't know the woman who said it and her situation, might have sounded a bit selfish or unkind. The second woman said to the first, "That's not being a very good Christian", and was surprised when the first woman got upset with her.
The key difference between these two is not only the delivery, but the heart behind it. If you are motivated to help your fellow Christians grow closer to Christ and are also willing to have others help you in that way even when it involves uncomfortable truths, chances are, you will convict. You know that you are a sinner just as much as any other person, and that we all need help. If, however, you are motivated by a sanctimonious need to show that you are a better Christian, or that another person's sins are worse than yours and they should be called out, you are going to condemn.
I think one of the issues here is that human beings seem to love nothing more than to feel righteous. "Look at how awful THEY are - thank goodness I'm not like that." It's why people read articles they know will only upset them. It's why people who mentally abuse their children will shake their head at how awful people who beat their children are. It's why we justify our own sins with "at least I'm not that bad. That's not Christian."
I've said before that one of the key elements of being saved is acknowledging that you are a sinner on the same level as anyone else. But being saved isn't just your "come to Christ" moment. It's a journey that lasts for your entire life, and it's not always a straight path. Once you are saved, it's easy to get so wrapped up in the benefits of grace that you forget that you did not deserve it. You didn't get it because you were better than anyone else. You didn't get it because you're so great that God chose you. You got it because He loves you, and because Jesus died for your sins. You put Christ on the cross exactly as much as anyone else you might be tempted to condemn. If that doesn't humble you, I don't think anything will.
You want someone to tell you if your shirt is inside out. If you have spinach in your teeth. If your skirt is tucked into your underwear (I once walked through my whole office that way - thankfully no one saw before I noticed). But you want them to be kind about it, not just tell you that you're awful.
I'll end with a verse because God can say it better than I can, no matter how long my posts are:
"Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?"
Matthew 7:3, New American Standard
***Revised for typos - I had a 3 year old in my lap for the first draft.
