Give it to God - and Let Him Keep It!

I want you to imagine with me for a moment that you've been diagnosed with cancer. There is a big, nasty, malignant tumor - let's say in your lungs. You can't breathe, you're exhausted, and you're in pain.

I know - I hear you. "Geez, Stephane - you don't write for months and then this is how you start a post? Giving me cancer?" Just stick with me for a moment - I promise this is going somewhere.

You've found the best doctors, and thankfully the cancer hasn't spread. You see the surgeon, and finally, the tumor is removed. They were able to get it all, praise God. You can breathe. You're healing and getting your energy back. Your pain is lessening every day. Your quality of life has vastly improved, and so has your projected lifespan.

Then, one day, you go to the hospital and demand that the surgeon put the tumor back.

Now I've really done it. "Stephane, have you lost your everloving mind? That is the craziest thing I've ever read with my own two eyes. No one would do that."

But we do. All the time. Or at least I do - maybe all of you are better at this than I am. There are times in my life where I know for sure I've reached the end of my resources with a situation or a problem. I've gotten to the point where my prayer is simply, "God, I don't know what to do here. I can't fix this. Please work Your will - You know what's best." I feel lighter. I'm free. He has it - I don't have to worry about it anymore. I lay it on His altar with a prayer of thanks, and I walk away. Then, under cover of darkness, I sneak back in, shove it in my pocket, and run out the door.

Inevitably it weighs me down. It rips a hole in my pocket, hits my foot on the way down, and then trips me as it rolls ahead in my path. I stumble, fall, and wind up with a big old metaphorical bruise on my head. And as I tend that bruise on my way to put it back on the altar, I swear that I'm totally giving it over this time. And the process repeats.

In the Bible study I'm in right now, "No Other Gods", we just talked about the story of Hannah - Samuel's mother. Talk about someone who gave it to God. Hannah was childless, her husband's other (child-bearing) wife tormented her about it, and she wanted nothing more than a family. So she fell on the Lord, trusted in Him 100%, and went peacefully back to her life, knowing He had it under control. 

As someone who's relatively new to salvation, I am in absolute awe of her. I say that I trust God, and I do. But sometimes that old desire to have control over everything sneaks back in and robs me of the peace that He so freely gives me. I try to put the solution back in my hands, even though I know I'm out of ideas and resources.

So this is my prayer tonight: "Lord, please help me to give these things to You. To let You hold them in Your capable hands instead of trying to deal with them on my own. You knew this struggle of mine before I was even born, and You know what I need. Help me to trust in You and not my own means."

And if you've got something in your pockets you know needs to go back on the altar, I invite you to put it back and pray with me. We are all in this together.

God Has a Plan - And His Children Have Some Feelings About It

As Christians, we are all extremely aware that God has a plan. That everything happens for a reason. That He knows what's best, even if we can't figure out why that thing is for the best at the time. I had a very good example of that recently. 

A job opened up at the hospital where my daughter had her open heart surgery. It was a position that would involve coordinating the parent volunteers who mentor other parents, sit on the advisory boards, etc. I would have the opportunity to implement some changes, and reach hundreds - thousands - of families. It was basically everything I've been trying to get together my non-profit for, only it would be my day job so nothing would be getting in the way. I had three interviews (one phone, two in-person). There were nearly 200 candidates. I came in second.

I was devastated. No exaggeration. I had a minor existential crisis. This, I had thought, was the culmination of the reason I was given a child with a serious medical issue. This is where I would reach others and be able to turn what we went through into something amazing. I was going to have a job with a purpose (don't get me wrong - I know I do good things in my job right now, but it's certainly not on the level of helping families through such hard times). Where was my purpose now? 

Well, about a month after I got the rejection, I got something positive. A pregnancy test. It came with severe exhaustion and morning sickness, and I was grateful that A) my husband drives us to work and B) I wasn't interacting with external clients because I was certainly  not physically at my best. Had I gotten the job, it would have been much more difficult. In addition to that, about a week ago I had to have an appendectomy (RIDICULOUSLY SCARY FOR A PREGNANT PERSON). I have no idea how much time off I would have had, etc., whereas with my current job, I'm able to work from home until I can be back in the office.

When I didn't get the job, I called my sister, and I said, "I know there's a reason for it, and it means something better, but I'm still bummed about it." Her response was perfect. "Of course - it's ok to be sad about it."

Contrast this with my experience when someone close to me passed away. I called someone else close to tell them about it, sobbing. "Everything happens for a reason", they blithely said, leading me to make an excuse and end the phone call.

Because here's the thing - we know He has a plan. We know there are reasons for the things that happen to us - good and bad. But that is not to be used as a catch-all response to disregard someone's feelings about the things that happen to them. Offer sympathy. Offer advice if it's asked. But don't expect someone, whether a fellow believer or not, to have all of their negative feelings suddenly wiped away with what can feel like a platitude. 

We don't miss our loved ones any less because it was their time to go. We aren't often joyful about being poor despite knowing God will use it for our good. We are not angels. We are flawed human beings who sometimes need time to mourn what we thought would be before we can accept what will be.

So please, the next time someone comes to you with something that's upsetting them, listen. Talk through it with them. And know that the reason will likely be revealed at some point, but in the meantime, remember that it's hard to keep hold of that.