What We Want for Our Children

Any good parent will tell you that they want what's best for their child. We want them to have every advantage, to not suffer or struggle. We want them to be happy, and contented. And I am no exception. My daughter is two years old, and I already pray about the person she will end up sharing her life with eventually, if she chooses to do so. For a long time, the prayer went like this:

"Please let her find and end up with someone who treats her with kindness, patience, respect, love, compassion, empathy, and generosity; who makes her laugh and brings her closer to You."

I think we can agree that this is a good list of traits for a significant other. They're what I looked for (and found). And I want her to have that because I believe that's what's best for her. It's what she deserves.

But here's the thing: that may be what I believe is best for her, but there's no way for me to know if that's what God knows is best for her. This discrepancy isn't unique to me, nor is it new. There have been more occasions than I could list here where what I wanted and what God wanted were at complete odds. He's always right, of course. Some of the worst times in my life have led to some of the best things. There are many good parts of me that wouldn't exist if they hadn't been shaped by suffering. And I've slowly come around to the point where I'm willing to accept whatever He gives.

I have a much harder time, however, accepting the suffering that lies ahead for my daughter, whatever that may be. I've already watched her go through open heart surgery and come out for the better. But I still can't shake the parental urge to spare her from, well, everything. I know I can't put her in a bubble. That's not what's best for her - she needs to fall in order to learn to pick herself back up, if you'll excuse the Batman reference. But no parent wants to see their child in pain.

I struggle with this daily, but I've come to realize that it's much like disciplining. I don't like having to discipline my daughter. If we're having fun, I don't want to stop to admonish her for dumping her cereal on the floor. I don't want to make her cry by insisting she sit in her high chair to eat dinner. I don't like sending her to her room for smacking or kicking. And I certainly didn't want to wake her at 2am when she was 2 months old to give her medication that she hated. But all of this I do for her own good, even if she doesn't know it.

And if I know that I'm doing the right thing for my daughter even if she fights me, how much more should I know that God is doing the right thing for us, whether we like it or not? I haven't stopped wanting all of those things for my daughter, and many, many more besides. But my prayer has changed to "please let her find and end up with the person you intend for her to be with." I know what's best for her more than she does. And He knows what's best for her more than I do.