Split Sisters: Same Values, Different Candidates

I’ve been sitting on this one for a while. Not because I didn’t think I should write it, but because I was so disappointed and heartbroken by what I’ve been seeing in the wake of the election that I didn’t trust myself to write on the topic. I believe this election to have been the most divisive in our nation’s history. Part of this is the completely opposite natures of the candidates, and part if it is the pervasiveness of social media, which allows supporters of either candidate to attack the other side en masse. But however you voted, however you feel about it, Donald Trump is the president elect, and will be sworn in early next year.

Before I actually delve into the substance of this post, I do want to issue one caveat: I have no idea what it’s like to be a Muslim right now. An immigrant. A person of Mexican descent. A member of the LGBTQ community. I know that some of my friends who fall into those groups (or whose families do) are scared. And I would never say they shouldn’t feel that way. As a straight white person, I could never begin to understand what it’s like to have people’s first reaction to me be suspicion, hatred, or disgust. The closest I’ve come is some heavy misogyny, which is bad enough that I’m grateful to not have to handle the rest. Also, just because one person wouldn’t feel a certain way in a given situation doesn’t mean it’s wrong to feel that way. I find empathy to be a constantly waning trait, and one that we should all be practicing at all times.

That being said,  let’s talk about the way the country has acted and reacted, both during the course of the campaign, and after the results of the election were published. I have friends who range the political spectrum all the way from the farthest left to the farthest right, and I have always welcomed the opportunity to hear from all of them regarding their beliefs and positions. But this also means that I have seen some incredibly ugly personal attacks thinly veiled as “debates” between people I care about. And during this election cycle, I have seen nasty posts from both sides.

From the Hillary (or Bernie, or third-party) camps, I’ve seen blanket statements that all Trump supporters are ignorant. That they are racist, uneducated, misogynistic, and xenophobic. That they are brimming with hatred for minorities. From the Trump camp, I’ve seen blanket statements that Hillary supporters are “libtards”, that they support corruption, that they are lazy and entitled and simply looking for a government handout. When Trump won, I saw his supporters making nasty comments to those who had talked about leaving the country in fear if he did to “not let the door hit them in the a** on the way out”, and Hillary’s supporters making threats. I didn’t unfriend anyone on Facebook, but I unfollowed a minimum of a dozen people.

So what on earth does this have to do with the title of the post? My sister called me a couple of days after the election. She’s always been extremely supportive of my writing, and is one of the probably six people who read this blog. And she had an idea. What better way to (lovingly) call out those who are spreading hate than by letting all of you know that my sister and I voted for different candidates. You see, she and I have the same values. We believe in hard work, equality, and kindness to all. We believe in helping those in need. In making sure our children have love and discipline. We believe that there are plenty of things that need to change in this world, and we believe that Christ guides our lives and the lives of those around us. My sister always says you should vote with your values. And we both did. We believe in the same result – we just have different ideas of how to get there.

Our conversation was an incredibly friendly one, despite our divide. We have a very close relationship, and we always know we can express our views to the other with kindness and love. We disagree on medical issues, politics, fashion – you name it. We express our views, and then we acknowledge and understand that we don’t always think the same way. Each of us looks at the other as our sister first – as who we are as people and children of God.

And oh, how I wish the rest of the world would adopt that strategy. That they would remember that the person on the other side of whatever line they’ve chosen to draw is a human being with thoughts and feelings that, while they may not match yours, are no less valid and important to them. How different could things be if we tried to bridge the divides with understanding and calm explanations rather than flinging shrapnel grenades from behind our barricades of self-righteousness and assumptions?

Call me crazy if you want, but I’ve never once been swayed from my position by someone attacking me for holding it. A wonderful quote from Khalil Ghibran comes to mind here: “I have learned silence from the talkative, toleration from the intolerant, and kindness from the unkind; yet, strange, I am ungrateful to those teachers.”

The way you treat someone who holds an opposing viewpoint is going to be the way they see the people who hold your viewpoint. Do you educate or attack? Do you show understanding or hostility? The cry from both sides from those who are tired of the fighting and attacks is almost exactly the same. Republican friends of mine have questioned why, if the liberal-minded are supposed to champion tolerance, they simply lump all Trump supporters together as awful people without knowing them. Liberal friends of mine have questioned why, if the Christian right is supposed to love their neighbor, they are spewing hate and insults or gloating.

And I have to say, that last part is what really showed me that I need to write this. I’m pretty new at the Christian thing (Catholic upbringing notwithstanding). I look to those who have walked in faith longer than I have for guidance and for an example. Yet, it was some of those very people who were posting unkind links or status updates. Who showed utter contempt for their fellow human beings because they think differently. As my sister pointed out, Satan is laughing his head off right now. Good people have devolved into their baser natures and are swimming in the fabric of this world instead of rising above the pettiness as someone made in the Father’s image.

The Trump supporters I know are not racist. They are not bigots. They are not misogynists. They simply felt that they had no voice, or that our country was headed in a direction they didn’t love. They saw Hillary as more of the same, and they wanted something to change. They want less government, and more power to the people.

The Hillary voters I know are kind, hard-working people. They agree that something needs to change, they just disagree on how that should be accomplished. They saw Trump’s unkind comments toward large groups of people, and they were afraid for what would happen to themselves or their friends who belong to those groups if we as a country said that those views were acceptable.

Now, I intended to write this post without sharing which of us voted for whom (though many close to us have likely figured it out). I’m not here to start fights with anyone – and, indeed, if you try to start one based on this post, I’ll simply remove myself and pray for you. But I’ve realized as I share my thoughts that it was an intention that arose out of fear. I’ve seen so many nasty comments about both sides from people I love, and I don’t want those people I love to say those things about me. To think those things about me. But I realized that it doesn’t matter. I am not who I voted for. I am not a political affiliation. I am not a bubble on a ballot. And if there is anyone who wants to ignore what they know about me and what kind of person I am and write me off for those reasons, that’s not on me. I stand strong in my faith, and God knows my heart. And who knows – maybe sharing who I voted for and letting the other side see that they do know and love someone who thinks differently from them might even cause them to re-think some of their negative assumptions.

I voted for Clinton. I, a rural girl who busted her butt to get where I am. Who believes in individual freedoms and state rights. Who believes in gun control but not to obnoxious extremes. Who believes in ideals from both sides of the spectrum. Who encourages job programs but also buys coffee for the homeless. Who would give you the shirt off of her back and offer you her scarf if you needed it. Who would never treat you any differently because of your political views/religion/ethnicity/orientation.

My sister voted for Trump. She, a college-educated woman who is crazy intelligent. Who believes in helping the less fortunate and also in personal responsibility. Who raises her children with kindness first. Who would add to my shirt and scarf with her jacket and shoes, if she hadn’t given them already at that point. Who would never treat you any differently because of your political views/religion/ethnicity/orientation.

I don’t know about you, but my sister and I intend to make the world a better place, no matter who is president. We intend to raise our children with the same values. We intend to spread as much kindness as we possibly can. And we welcome you all – no matter your views – to join us.