I'll be perfectly honest - I don't even want to write this one. But I feel convicted to do so, and have for days. I've been trying to ignore it, but it's not going away. I'm likely to upset people on both sides of this issue with my thoughts, and for that, I apologize. I'd also like to give a trigger warning for anyone who wants to avoid reading about abortion.
I'll start with my stance: I am pro-choice, and anti-abortion. I know, I know - what the heck is that supposed to mean?
I am not and cannot be ok with abortion. I told my husband the day my daughter was conceived that I was pregnant. When a test a week later came back negative, I told him it was wrong. A week later, I got the positive result. She was there. I knew she was there. And as much as I tend to be very much steeped in scientific backup for my views, she was a baby even then. My baby. From the second I knew I was pregnant, she was my baby. Clump of cells though she may have been, I loved her. And this, of course, is where I tick off the side that supports abortion. I believe a baby is a baby as soon as those cells start dividing. When I had a miscarriage at just a few weeks, I sobbed. I considered that losing a baby. Nothing in the world can back me up on that assertion. And a lot of people may think my reaction was ridiculous. To each their own. But I can't condone abortion because I do believe it is killing a baby. And I could never do it.
But here's where I tick off the other half of the equation. I have no idea in the world what it's like to be raped. To be robbed of your sense of security. No idea what it's like to be sexually assaulted by a family member. To experience such a heinous betrayal of trust. And then, to compound that awful trauma, to have a reminder growing inside of me every day. To know that a part of my attacker, my abuser, the monster who did this to me, is literally attached to me. There are three choices if this happens: abort, give the baby up for adoption, or keep the baby.
If you give the baby up for adoption, you run the risk of your child growing up feeling unwanted because you gave him or her up, and they don't know why. If you keep the baby, you may be re-traumatized on a regular basis if your child has the face of your abuser. Your significant other may not understand your keeping the baby, and you may lose your relationship with them. And in both circumstances, the child may find out how they came to be. May be traumatized themselves by their origin.
Now, in my case, I'd still do one of those. But I say that knowing that I have no idea what either is like. No idea how broken I might become from the constant reminder of the trauma, either by the child's presence, or by knowing they may someday find me and have questions I don't want to answer. I have never walked in those shoes, and pray that I never have to. That my daughter never has to. And I believe that unless you have been in those shoes, you cannot judge, as much as you may want to.
Back to upsetting the fully pro-choice segment, I will say that it upsets me to no end when people use abortion as birth control. Take a pill, use a condom, abstain. Once the child is conceived, you can give it up for adoption. Yes, I understand that it will change your body and it will never go back to normal. And there is always the chance that you'll become attached when it's born and decide to keep it. It's a very messy thing. But I can't condone avoiding the consequences of your own actions by depriving the world of a child that may be destined for great things.
Finally, if you are going to be anti-abortion, you need to be active in supporting these women. I don't mean protesting. I don't mean reminding them that their child at a certain week has a heartbeat. I don't mean posting videos of late term abortions to shock people into a reaction. I mean real support. Volunteer at a rape crisis center. If a friend becomes pregnant and isn't sure if they're happy about it, be a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on. Foster. Adopt. Donate to causes that help with all of the above. Some people don't realize they really do have a choice, and it's time we started stepping up to show them.
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