Faith Doesn't Mean Not Feeling

As I've discussed in previous blogs, I believe everything happens for a reason, even when we can't see it. God knows what's best for us. As my pastor put it during yesterday's sermon, "God wants more for us than we want for ourselves." That being said, I can't count the number of times that I've been sad, angry, or upset, and when venting to a Christian friend have been told "You just have to have faith."

And this, friends and neighbors, generally just upsets me more. I understand that the sentiment is well-intentioned. The speaker wants to remind me that He is taking care of things. But the hidden implication of this unassuming phrase is that if I just had more faith, I wouldn't feel these feelings. And on that, I call shenanigans.

When I've been turned down for jobs in the past, I've always known that it meant something better was on the way. But that didn't mean I wasn't disappointed that what I wanted isn't what's actually best for me. When M was diagnosed with her heart condition, I knew that what was meant to happen would happen. But that doesn't mean I'd have been any less devastated if what was meant to be had been my losing her. Knowing a loved one is with God when they pass doesn't mean you can't be sad for the loss of their presence. My brother-in-law's grandfather (who was also the pastor of their church for quite some time) passed almost exactly a year ago, very unexpectedly. The family was happy that he was with God, but there were still tears from them and from the congregation. That's only normal.

Sometimes this sentiment stretches even further, to a spiritually dangerous conclusion. On one of my mommy forums, a woman posted about a friend of hers who had chronic pain. This friend had back problems, and found difficulty in working and in caring for her children. The poster was a Christian (the friend, from what I read, was not), and she was of the opinion that it was her friend's own fault because "If she would just pray every day, she would be in perfect health." The poster further opined that the fact that she herself did not have any chronic illnesses or pain could be attributed to the fact that she had faith. And, extrapolating further, if you do have those issues, it's because you don't have enough faith.

Paul suffered. Job suffered. Jesus himself suffered and paid a dear price to take our sins. Sometimes we need struggles and trials to get us where we need to be, in life, or in spirit. If M didn't have her heart condition, I wouldn't be organizing a non-profit that has the potential to help hundreds of families every year. If I didn't suffer from depression and anxiety, I wouldn't have been able to help friends who are similarly situated. Some of my greatest suffering has led to my most positive traits, and the best things in my life.

All of this is a really long way of me saying something very simple: feel your feelings. Express them, work through them. Deal with them in a healthy way, certainly, and trust that God is leading you in the right direction. But it is OK to take a minute to be human.